WEIRDLAND: Happy Easter Holidays - Funny April Jokes

Friday, April 02, 2010

Happy Easter Holidays - Funny April Jokes

Happy Easter Weekend, Weirdos!

Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon January 4
- Trail Blazers Vs Lakers Game In LA

Romance, 8,427
Romance, a method of courtship defined by mystery and subtlety, died February 28. It was 8,427 years old. Though it was plagued in recent years by painful bouts of bloat and Reese Witherspoon, the immediate cause of death was Del Taco manager Josh Rivkin uploading a video of his girlfriend squatting above a canister of Pringles, filmed with a camera inside the canister. Born in early Sumerian civilization, romance was responsible for countless sonnets, serenades, and chivalrous acts. It thrived on veiled meanings and longing. It left no survivors.
Steve Carrell & Tina Fey in "Date Night".

Romantic Comedy, 81, Dies
A once beloved film genre about two strangers who overcome a seemingly insurmountable obstacle and end up as a happy couple, romantic comedy died in a conference room on the Warner Brothers studio lot Friday, as screenwriter Joe Bernstein was pitching a Kate Hudson vehicle about the romance between a dairy farmer and a lactose-intolerant woman.
Mark Ruffalo & Reese Witherspoon in "Just Like Heaven".

The cause was exhaustion. Observers close to the genre feared romantic comedy would die upon the release of the 2005 Reese Witherspoon/Mark Ruffalo movie Just Like Heaven, about the unlikely courtship between a ghost and a landscape architect, but it persisted in a vegetative state for three more years.
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson in Twilight Saga: New Moon - Documentary - Part 5: Tricks of The Trade

Vampires, 112, Die
The trend of vampire-related entertainment died March 14, in New York. The cause was Rob Schecter, a HarperCollins editor who assigned a young-adult novel about teenage vampires with anorexia. Born in 1819 with the publication of The Vampyre, by John Polidori, the trend centered on mythical creatures who sucked blood, avoided sunlight, and, most recently, looked like Marcel Marceau but with more hair gel. Vampires survived dozens of novels, an HBO series, and a Keanu Reeves movie. But the proposed YA novel proved fatal. "It's like Twilight but much edgier," said Schecter of the book idea. "We want to deal with real issues here. These vampire girls hate drinking blood because they think it's too fattening." Vampires are survived by zombies, werewolves, and investment bankers.

My Crush on Megan Fox, 11 Months, Dies
My crush on Megan Fox, the actress from the Transformers franchise, died February 5, in my friend's living room. The cause was a magazine article in which Ms. Fox told an interviewer that her farts smell like Chinese food after eating at a Chinese restaurant and that she often forgets to flush the toilet.
My crush was born in March 2009 after seeing a movie trailer with Ms. Fox on YouTube and noting that she resembles a mixture of Angelina Jolie and an inflatable doll. Though I never actually watched any movies featuring Ms. Fox, my crush flourished thanks to magazine photos and Google Image Search. My crush's health began to decline when it was revealed that Ms. Fox has a prose poem tattooed on her rib cage. It then deteriorated precipitously upon my learning she had the name of then-boyfriend Brian Austin Green, of Beverly Hills, 90210, tattooed on her pelvis.

My Wife's Crush on Kiefer Sutherland, 4, Is Dead
Promotional still of Elisha Cuthbert and Kiefer Sutherland in "24".

My Wife's Crush on Kiefer Sutherland, an actor best known for his work as an intense federal agent on the Fox drama 24, died April 11 on our couch. The cause was the revelation that Mr. Sutherland has formed an indie record label. The crush was four years old. Born in November of 2001 with the premiere episode of 24, the infatuation was a surprise to all. My Wife's Crush on Kiefer Sutherland had been in declining health since she discovered that Mr. Sutherland had moved to Montana in the mid-1990s and joined the rodeo circuit. The immediate cause of death, however, was an Extra interview in which Mr. Sutherland plugged his record label, called Ironworks.
Ellen Pompeo, Jake Gyllenhaal, Dustin Hoffman and Susan Sarandon in "Moonlight Mile".

Ellen Pompeo's Last Remaining Fat Cell Dies at 38
The final subcutaneous fat cell on the body of Ellen Pompeo -- star of TV’s popular Grey’s Anatomy -- died Sunday in Los Angeles. It was thirty-eight. The fat cell expired during a strenuous session of Bikram yoga in the Hancock Park section of L. A. It had been located on Ms. Pompeo’s left thigh.
The fat cell had been one of the few that accompanied Ms. Pompeo during her career, including appearances on Law & Order and in Old School. It had most recently been storing some glucose 6-P that Ms. Pompeo unknowingly ingested in her daily Pinkberry green-tea frozen yogurt. It is survived by bones and ligaments. Source:


"Reese and Jake" bad joke said...

SO glad that showmance is over and that phony beard is just a bad memory.

Elena said...

I think Reese should be a good memory!