WEIRDLAND: Hot scenes and worst kissers

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Hot scenes and worst kissers

"With that pesky, couples-oriented, Hallmark holiday just around the corner we thought we'd help our readers get into the spirit with a fun little exercise we like to call, "Best Sex Scenes in Movies." It's certainly no secret that sex sells and the opportunist in us couldn't pass on the chance to plug it. After hours of exhaustive but thoroughly entertaining research, we compiled a list of the top ten scenes that fit our bill. From those that inspire the heart, to those that arouse the senses, we feel confident there will be something for everyone in our collection.

The May-Irwin Kiss video:

The Best First Kiss Scene in a film has to be the groundbreaking smooch heard around the world between John C. Rice and May Irwin in The Kiss. While the scene is only a few seconds long and strikingly demure by twenty-first century standards, it was the first kiss ever publicly shown on film.Moving on to our favorite category, Best Male Nude Scene, we have to give kudos to Mark Wahlberg as Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights whose performance answers the age-old question, "Is that a prosthetic penis in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" While we didn't want to cave into the most obvious of sexually exploitative of films, we couldn't gloss over the very memorable scene at the end that reveals all of Diggler's talents. Some may say that size doesn't matter, but in this scene size goes a very, very long way.

Angelina Jolie and Elizabeth Mitchell in "Gia":

The Best Female Nude Scene in recent years doesn't belong to a single scene, but a series of nude scenes in the film Gia, starring the world's most in-demand woman, Angelina Jolie. If you played a drinking game to this film where every minute of nudity called for a shot, you'd be toasted in no time.This brings us to another in-demand actor whose recent violent outbursts have populated the headlines of publications left and right. The Best Self-Sex Scene goes to Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. This may be an odd choice given the number of films with masturbation scenes, but this scene is so self-involved and over-the-top chauvenistic, you can't help but chuckle. As Bateman engages in sexual acts with two prostitutes, he's so engrossed with his appearance in the mirror that he finds himself more pleasurable than his present company. His calculated poses and constant flexing only add to the "get over yourself" factor.

Isabella Rosellini and Dennis Hopper in "Blue Velvet":

Anyone who has ever watched a David Lynch film has likely come out scarred in one way or another and Blue Velvet is no exception. The Best Uncomfortable Sex Scene that comes to mind and still haunts us to this day involves Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper) and Dorothy Vallens (Isabella Rossellini) engaging in oral sex in a dark room. Unsettling, disturbing and highly unusual, this is a scene that is hard to swallow (no pun intended) no matter how you view it.

John Cusack and Ione Skye in "Say Anything":

Another memorable scene in a movie that will stick with us forever comes from eighties cult classic, Say Anything. Starring John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler and Ione Skye as Diane Court, Say Anything follows all the ups and downs of the awkward stages between adolescence and adulthood, including first loves and inevitable first broken hearts. While the boom box scene is unquestionably romantic, the scene that we love and that takes the cake for the Best Teenage Sex Scene involves Lloyd and his lady love Diane in the back of a car on a cold, starry night. It's an emotional, touching scene that captures the essence of innocence lost.
Of course we can't write about best sex in films and not include Brokeback Mountain, with a lover's tent serenade that's so shockingly believable it easily deserves the title of Best Gay Sex Scene. The late Heath Ledger plays the quiet, introspective Ennis Del Mar who is the object of affection for outspoken Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal). Tension builds as these two handsome leading men are forced to work together over one summer in the wilderness, and it all culminates into a unexpected sexual explosion that's not often seen on the silver screen. Two thumbs up for the cinematography and superb acting in this one as well.
Sex, by nature, can be unintentionally funny, but with Team America: World Police, funny is how the directors aimed to please. The Best Comedic Sex Scene comes from the hilariously creative minds of Trey Parker and Matt Stone and includes a snapshot of scenes between two puppets making love. The irony here is that the puppets have no genitals, though that doesn't seem to stop them from experimenting with wacky positions. The ridiculous dialogue and sound effects in this scene up the comedic ante making this scene very deserving of its title".


"We’ve already heard enough stars insisting that those sex scenes we find either major turn-ons (Mickey Rourke force-feeding Kim Basinger strawberries on the kitchen floor in 9 1/2 Weeks) or majorly eye-scarring (Heather Graham faking her way through grainy limo thrusts in Boogie Nights) are totally perfunctory while filming. With the massive crew surrounding them, the sudden lighting checks, and simple fact that they’ve gotta feign spontaneous heat take after take, we’ve leaned towards taking their word for it. And as it turns out, no matter how big the star or legendary their prowess in the bedroom, even simple kissing scenes with the most gorgeous A-listers around range from “awkward and sweaty” to “slightly icky and sort of wet.”
Harrison Ford, Outed by Helen Mirren: "She considered him 'the nicest, sweetest guy you could want to meet. But he can't kiss - he finds it impossible to kiss on screen.' Then, she added: 'He's probably not very good off screen either. It's not just me - other actresses agree. Whenever we get chatting off screen and we get around to talking, we come to the same conclusion.'"Jason Segal, Outed by Alyson Hannigan: "Alyson refused to kiss him or do any romantic scenes with him, because he smelled like smoke. He thanks her for forcing him to do that because now he not only smells better, he feels better as well."Orlando Bloom, Outed by Keira Knightley: "Keira Knightley claims Johnny Depp is a better kisser than Orlando Bloom...When quizzed on who she thought was the best kisser out of the two actors, she told InStyle magazine: 'Johnny Depp certainly wasn't bad.' Despite Orlando's gushing praise for Keira's kissing technique, he did admit he found it 'peculiar.'"Steve Carell, Outed by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson: "I just see Steve Carell's lips. 'So the bottom of a cat's paw - the soft supple part underneath - that's what Steve Carell's lips are like. But his tongue is like kitty cat litter. That's the physical experience.'"
Woody Allen, Outed by Helena Bonham Carter: "He tells you up front certain ways of kissing he does not want. No exchange of liquid is permitted. It can be a bit offensive because he makes no effort at all."Angelina Jolie, Outed by James McAvoy: "I can tell you what it was like to kiss her on a film set: It was awkward, sweaty and not very nice."Tom Cruise, Outed by Thandie Newton: "Kissing Tom Cruise was slightly icky and sort of wet. I'd really go home at the end of the day actually moaning about how hot it was and how many times we had to do it."
Victoria Beckham, Outed by Corey Haim: "She does this little grr gnaw thing that felt like a girl gnawing on your lip."
Sienna Miller, Outed by James Franco: "The British beauty's toothache made filming a nightmare. Franco admits filming the scene was far from enjoyable and had to be cut short when his co-star complained. He says, 'I think we kissed once in that film and it wasn't at all intense - there was no rolling around or anything. Sienna's molar was giving her pain so she called the dentist!'"
Leonardo DiCaprio, Outed by Virginie Ledoyen: "I think Leonardo is a nice guy. But I don't want him as a lover. There [was] no honest passion. No real sensitivity in our love scenes. In our underwater love scenes all I could think of was not drowning. I can't even remember his kiss."

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